I grew up thinking I was a bit mad. I was told that often enough. “Do you know you’re crazy thinking that …” “What do you mean you see what’s going to happen? Don't be silly.” “Goodness, your imagination?!” I was made wrong for a lot of what I was aware of.
With all those projections on me, I was told I was many things. Weird, a little crazy, stupid , and a nutter. Kind friends I had, huh?
In fact, I wasn’t crazy. I was just aware in a different way.
I grew up in a time before "on the spectrum" was something society accepted. I was labeled as sensitive, cognitively slow and hyper.
The signs were all there. I never spoke before until I was 4 years old. I was hyper-sensitive to everyone around me (noise especially).
I was uncontainable; a moving, dancing, screaming, running, ball of energy. I hated to be touched. When I did learn to speak, I would miss words. Things move constantly around me when others said they were stationary; trees, statues, mannequins, paintings, the floor. I bumped into things that others couldn’t see. I spoke to my sister in my head. It was all too slow and I wanted it to go faster. I thought everyone functioned the same way.
It’s difficult to describe what my life was like as I was growing up and going to school. It wasn't easy. It wasn't fun. In my mid 20's, I trained as a psychotherapist in mental health as self-preservation. Mainly to get clarity on finding a solution to the “mad emotions and thoughts” I felt bombarded with. It was in fact during that Psychiatric training that I was diagnosed as "on the spectrum" with autism, ADHD and OCD. These labels didn’t open up my world. These labels were at that time still a wrongness, a madness in the psychiatric hospital where I worked; especially with the staff around me. For 20 years I ignored this diagnosis, ignored and switched off my sensitivity to past present and future, my aware body, and my uniquely intensely aware being. I continued to stop the world around me from moving and being in motion.
It took so much force to contain all of that ‘wrongness and keep it hidden.’ With all that force, eventually something had to give and I was diagnosed with various auto-immune disorders in my late 30’s that stopped me with an implosion of disability.
When the joyousness of the Access Bars, Access Body Processes and the Access classes showed up at my door, I knew I had found something that offered space to me in a new way. I began the journey of letting go of everything and everywhere I had stopped me; the journey of unfolding myself to opening up and allowing me to be me… even if it meant I was wrong in the eyes of others. Different. Strange. Weird. Unique. Evolution. Capacities. Strongness… Those were my new words.
Allowing myself to be everything I never allowed myself to be, can be intense! And, I say yes! I choose to embrace the unique. I choose to continue to unfold and not be bound by wrongness.
Thank you Access Consciousness and the X-Men body of work that has gifted me so much in this unfolding, knowing of me…
Today I stumbled on a video that reminded me of how I functioned before the assistance of the Access tools; which was most of my life. It was a reminder of how grateful I am to have tools that help me create what I need. Gone is the wrongness and in its space, an acknowledgment that I have always known this difference and this uniqueness is an evolution. :)
This video from the Autism Society really allows you to perceive the awareness these kids and adults have.
Here are 2 tools you can use daily to assist:
What if 98% of your thoughts, feelings and emotions are not yours? What if you are in fact a Big Psychic Sponge Bob that picks up on the thoughts, feelings and emotions of everyone around you?
What you can ask is “Who does this belong to?” send back everything that is not yours – with consciousness attached.
You might be amazed at what this tool can create in your life. Try it for 3 days and see what changes.
2. Being infinite space
Close your eyes and find the outside edges of you. Are you inside your body or is your body inside of you?
This is infinite being where you are the space that is everything. When you acknowledge that you can be more than anything, you cease to be at the effect of it. It means you can change it.
Being infinite space is a muscle you build. Like the exercise above, if you “feel stressed,” ask, “Who does this belong to?” and return to sender everything that is not yours and then expand out. Be infinite space. Bigger. Bigger. Bigger. Keep expanding until your body sighs and you sense more space.
These are two of the tools I have used to create more ease for me and my body. Try it and see what changes for you! by Jeni Be CF
It’s a joy for us to announce the evolution of X-Men, with more X-Men Facilitators choosing to create for you worldwide . Check out all the X-Men Facilitators here
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If there is anything you would like to ask about X-Men or becoming a XIF contact Diva, Cara and Jeni here
I used to think that the way my mind worked was back to front compared to other people. And yet I still managed to (somehow) do well in school and university, and in working life without ever really knowing how...
I'm not saying I was dysfunctional, I wasn't. I was (and am) different though.
I heard things said in class in a different way.
I remembered different things than the other students.
I had a terrible memory yet I was able to pull things out of my mind when I pictured the scenario it was said in.
I didn't see the point in a lot of what I saw as pointless 'doing' such as science experiments when it seemed that we were just going through the motions to get to the answer we all knew was coming.
I didn't get why people would have to say the same thing over and over just in different ways and with different words. Why was there always so much talking and so many words?
I didn't react emotionally in an appropriate way. I didn't get sarcasm. And I was just generally quite often confused by people.
Have you ever wondered why it is that some people are more prone to being 'sensitive' to the world around them than others? Welcome to the X-Men of our world! They are the brilliant people who are so honed in energetically to the world around them that on the outside they appear to be 'sensitive', but what if what they really are is aware?
One of the things that the 'sensitive' or 'introverted' or labelled people in our world get asked a lot, is 'why are you so sad?' or 'why are you so sensitive?'. But how often does that question actually help, and how often does it just make the person being asked feel worse about themselves?
“People are so afraid of variety that they try to fit everything into a tiny little box with a specific label,” says 16-year-old Rosie King, who is bold, brash and autistic. She wants to know: Why is everyone so worried about being normal? She sounds a clarion call for every kid, parent, teacher and person to celebrate uniqueness. It’s a soaring testament to the potential of human diversity.
“Autistic children are not disabled, they are actually very abled,” Access Consciousness Founder and best-selling author Gary Douglas has consistently maintained.
To Douglas, autistic people represent a mutation of the species, a mutation we could all learn from and which would contribute to our survival as a species.
One of the outstanding examples of this is 66-year old Temple Grandin, who considers herself a livestock management expert first and autistic person second. She has a PhD and teaches animal science at Colorado State University. Grandin’s mother could have been echoing Douglas when she insisted that her daughter was “not less, just different” to the psychiatrists who diagnosed her and recommended she be institutionalized at age 4.
Now Grandin and other high functioning autistic people, covered in a book excerpt in Time magazine, are using science and more, to demonstrate the correctness of Douglas’s assertions.
No one will ever acknowledge the gift you are until you yourself are willing to acknowledge it. What have you denied know about yourself that could change everything and everyone around you?
This 7-Year Old Shocked Everyone When She Came On Stage, But W...
So often the X-Men we get to see around us here and now are the amazing children who are still willing to be WHO THEY BE!
On nous dit si souvent comment nous devrions et ne devrions pas être avec les enfants, ce qui est la bonne façon de faire les choses, la bonne approche, les pires choses que vous ne devriez jamais dire, et les conséquences que cela aura. Et beaucoup de cette information peut être incroyablement utile, tant pour les adultes que les enfants. Mais combien de fois cela laisse t il les adultes avec le sentiment qu’ils n’ont encore pas été à la hauteur ? Ou qu’ils échouent dans leur job de parents, d’enseignants ? Ou que cette nouvelle technique fonctionne parfois, mais ne crée pas un changement durable ?
Have you ever been told that you're sensitive? That you should not take things so personally, or generally just stop being so sensitive? But let me ask you a question, what is sensitivity anyway?
We are told that we are sensitive when we have knee-jerk reactions such as bursting into tears inexplicably at a tv advert, suddenly getting really angry when someone says something you don't agree with, or even just cutting people off for what seems like something very small. Sensitivity can also be linked to being overly emotional or having an intense sense of sympathy and empathy.
Diva Diaz is an Access Consciousness® and X-Men facilitator. Being an X-Men herself, she is passionate about this topic and the change this work creates!